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Sometimes, I think that time is just creeping along, holding things I want just inches out of my grasp, dangling them in face my face just to taunt me. I think that if only it would go a little faster, if only it would sweep past those cold, uncomfortable moments, than life would be so much fuller and the dance would be smooth and full of beauty.
What are the awkward moments anyway, other than things that take away the joy of what we so often call the small things? A moment of stiff silence during an argument, the lull of nothing between the whirlwind of exciting activity, the pain of standing in a room of strangers wrapped up in their own adventures- nothing of any value. When those times come, all I want to do is creep into myself and wish that the time had a remote control. I tell myself I would skip over the fights, the pain, the tears, the heartbreak, even the boring moments. Those things are worthless, giving nothing.
But then they're gone.
All of them. You'd think joy would set in- my wish has come true. It's like a fairy tale. But it's not. There's still something achy, still some pain, but different. This time it's regret. Sad, still, quiet and achy regret. It's so easy to stare in wonder at all the things that you remember so well, so fondly gone. You realize that those moments you wanted to skip over made the coveted 'little moments' so joyful. Looking back, you learn the most from the times that at the moment, you consider mediocre. I think of the quote "Carpe Diem- Seize the Day." That doesn't mean to seize a part of the day. It doesn't mean to seize the hour or so of free time in the evening, the time to yourself. The little moments. The ones I like. It says to seize the day. The whole day. That's a beautiful thing.
Because someday, there won't be any more uncomfortable moments of silence during an argument with parents, because you live far apart or they just aren't here anymore. Someday, there will be no boring moments between social fun, and you will wish for a break. Someday, you'll realize how much you missed.
So why not realize that now? Why not seize the whole day?
Looking back, those awkward things are the things that make the most beautiful moments of all so beautiful, and they'll be gone way too fast. So don't enjoy just the little things- enjoy ALL the things!! They'll disappear before you know it, and then you'll want them back.
Sometimes I think the world is spinning to slowly, but now I know it's spinning perfectly.
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